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The Turning Point

July 24, 2013

Everyone reaches that turning point. It’s the steep bridge that you have to cross because you don’t have another way out. The decision making. The “letting go” part. The “I need to move on” side. The “THIS IS IT”. 

Tonight, it’s all about that. But let me tell you about this guy first. Because one day he will read this and he will realize that “I’m the one that got away”. 

What’s he like? Well, he’s the type of guy that when you pass him on the street, you wouldn’t even mind a second look. He’s ordinary. Solid. Liquid. Gas. Not water, not salt. Never H20, never NaCl. PLAIN. 

So what is it about him now that gave me rollercoaster of emotions? Like Butterflies, fireworks, stars. What’s on him that gave me the closest thing one can feel to magic? Honestly, I REALLY don’t know. I think that FREAKS you out RIGHT NOW.... But that's how it is. 


Sounds like a teenage dream thing but I like his smile, the sound of his voice, when he calls me Miel, when he laughs, how he smells, when he holds my hand, I love how he talks, how he thinks… How he isn’t sure about himself that he’s worth it…. I love how he’s got no idea how great he is. I love how he puts others first than himself. Everything and Anything... I love it.

I can give you 20 more paragraphs of "I love this and that" about this guy... and it will sound so redundant because I know I will keep on repeating the same things.  But what can you do? Those are the things that I like about him. Those are the things that right now defines what I feel. That's what I know love is right now.

IT hurts. Definitely. Devastatingly. But  in hurting, I realized that when we love, we need not to be with the person. We don’t have to OWN them. We can love secretly. Stalk secretly. And I decided that I will hold myself from moving on SECRETLY. 

I mean I have to cross the brigde but I can go back in the wee hours of the night… close my eyes… think about him… say a prayer. I magine things what could have been. Dream and wish of another chance with him... Still tell him that I love him in silence. Whisper to God that I love him and ask God to always take care of him and continue making him happy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the whole world need not to know if I still love him or I moved on. GETS???? 

waiting for my star to fall,  

Pulling Myself Back

July 22, 2013

It’s been years now since that moment. It took everything I had to pull myself back together. I thought this time around I’m so much stronger. Bullet-proof. Ready for the storm, ready for the hurricanes, ready for tsunami, ready for anything that can make World Trade Center down. 

But I’m wrong. I’m not as strong as I think I am. On the contrary, I became fluffier. Softer. Weaker. Oh, What love can do?

Have you ever been to that phase where the one you love isn’t willing to love you back? Have you ever been to that phase when you are willing to give everything or trade anything in this world for God to like work his magic and make you and this certain person meant to be together forever?

STOP. I think this is getting too dramatic and too heavy. I don’t want to continue writing. I might divulge all the information and all my emotions…. All that I can say is that I really like this certain guy and he’s not that into me. 

What do I do? Cry? No. Time to face reality. I guess, I need to work so hard again to put myself back.

waiting for my star to fall,  

When we love

July 20, 2013

Love's greatest form is to sacrifice ones life for another. Like how Jesus died on the cross for us. But now, no one needs to get killed. Maybe, love is the greatest when one sacrifices, in any and even in the simplest forms of sacrifice.

When we love, we don't expect anything back. When one confesses love to the other person, it is almost always that the person who confessed, already accepted that it will never be a win-win situation. It will be one sided and unrequited but, way better, than love that is kept in the deepest unknown grounds of the heart.

That's the thing about love, you know what it really means only when you are loved back or when you accept that the person you chose among the billions in this universe will never be able to give back the love you are willing to spare.

When you accept that the person will be happier with someone else. 
When you think about their happiness more than your own.
And when you finally let things go but never forgetting how special it is to love. 
waiting for my star to fall,  


July 20, 2013

And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love HIM. 
Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter...
waiting for my star to fall,  

The Dessert

July 15, 2013

I woke up in the middle of NOTHING. 
No trees, houses. 
No birds flying up the blue sky.

I looked above and I realized that what I'm seeing is not anything I've seen before... It's not the sky I've known that comes in all shades of blue. This one is like a blank vast space.
No star to conquer. No moon and sun chasing each other wishing to be together but never really meet.
Nothing. Empty.

And with nothing to see from the sky, I examined around, the only thing that differentiates this from the blank sky is that in the sky nothing is there but on the ground I am HERE.

I shouted all the words I know that means "anybody there?". Nothing. No echo. Nothing that assured me that something's or someone's there. 

I think I given up before I lost sanity.
I accepted what will never be there. No one will be here. I'm alone. It maybe nothing and it may feel so empty... But at the least, I should be happy I'M STILL HERE. 

waiting for my star to fall,  
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